The Serial Killer From My Mind (Part Two)

Daily Prompt: “Write about a loss: something (or someone) that was part of your life, and isn’t anymore.”

Twist: “Make today’s post the first in a three-post series.”

*DAY TWO OF MY THREE POST SERIES* (Click for day one)

Previously, I stated that the Serial Killer From My Mind was named Addiction, or Mr. Addiction as I like to name him. I have told you that our enemy, Mr. Addiction kills time from our life; however, that is not all he kills. Mr. Addiction is a diverse Serial Killer, not just of one genocide but multiple genocides. Mr. Addiction feeds his killing frenzy with our money. Yes that green little piece of paper that we highly value, that thing we tend to need to survive.

Day-to-day we spend money on Mr. Addiction because we believe that we need him in our life. Say your addicted to alcohol or drugs, you have to spend money to obtain those items. You highly value the amount in your bank, yet you throw it away to feed Mr. Addiction. When you don’t you go, practically, crazy. This is referred to as withdrawal.

I’ll stick to my old World of Warcraft addiction. In order to play my computer game, Blizzard required me to pay thirty dollars a month, which to my young, non-money-valuing-self  was not a large some to pay for a months worth of enjoyment. Yet I didn’t have a job to pay for it! Still I managed to pump my thirty a month, which was probably all that I had a month.

This is what we all do for Mr. Addiction. We come up with money that we don’t have to pay him to remove precious things from our lives. He is our own mercenary against ourselves. Stop paying him to destroy you.

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The Saint of Heart

Daily Prompt: “In 300 years, if you were to named the patron saint of X, what would you like X to be? Places, activities, object – all are fair game.”

I would have to say that I would like to be deemed the Patron Saint of Heart. I would want to be remembered as that guy who never gave up, on himself or anyone. That guy who let his heart lead him through life in everything that he did. That man touched nearly everyone’s life that he came across because he had a big heart. He would reach out to people, help anyone that he could. That one dude that stood apart from everyone else because he was good, he was nice, and he could put a smile on anyone’s face. I want a large amount of people to stand in front of everyone at my funeral and tell the crowd how I affected their life, how I helped them. To me, that is a legacy.

Grades Have Lost Their Importance

My best friend and I rival each other in many ways, mostly in education; From GPA to class ranking, to academic awards. He wins nearly every time. I am happy for my best friend, and I am proud of him, but I do get jealous. And here’s why.

My best friend and I are very similar. We both come from divorced families, his being more recent than mine, with two younger brothers, and we both are 4.0 students. We both maintain jobs, sports, chores, and spend time with girlfriends after school throughout the week. We have similar morals, mine being somewhat different due to my religious background, and we are both first year National Honor Society members at our school.

At school is where we differentiate, mostly. Although we both maintain a 4.0, the highest GPA you can obtain at my high school, my friend is looked at as smarter, and better than me by the students and staff at our school. In our Spanish class, which is the only class we have together this year, anytime someone needs help translating a phrase they turn instantly to him. I am more than willing to help, even in my Algebra II class this year I took the time I was given to do my homework to help the girl who sat next to me understand how to do our homework. I chose to do the homework at home, despite the busy schedule I have anyways. While I’ve heard my best friend get frustrated when people get the answers wrong or don’t understand because of how “easy” it is; even though I catch him with his notes out during multiple tests. Our principal and guidance counselor look at him as if he were a saint, even though I take my work to a higher level than he does. For example in Spanish class our teacher has been assigning us to write poems, and letters to ourselves. Within my letters and poems I have tried to write them as if I were writing an essay for English. While the last line of his poem would translate to, “this is a poem for Spanish class.”

In Spanish we are also assigned many group projects, and of course we partner together since we are best friends. These projects mostly include skits. Our project usually works like this. I write the rough draft while he sits on the computer behind me talking and joking with other people in the class. Then I take the rough draft home over the weekend and finish writing it, send it to the teacher for revision via E-mail, then type the final after the revisions have been done. Then we both bring in props on the day we present the skit. Our class, and the teacher always love our skits because I make them funny and enjoyable to watch, even when they can’t understand everything we are saying. The teacher tells us how great we did and we get over 100% on it almost every time, while the students talk to my best friend about how much they liked it. You can see where my jealousy may lie.

I previously stated that we are both busy. I don’t want to say that I am busier than he is due to me not knowing everything he does at home but by my perspective I am. We both maintain 4.0’s at our high school but I am also maintaining that 4.0 with my vocational school grades, college class grades, and normal high school grades. I maintain it even though I play baseball in the Spring, bowl in the Winter, work year round, attend church (every Sunday morning and night, and Wednesday night) volunteer with one of the two youth groups I go to, mow my grandparents lawn from Spring to Fall, do chores at home, and visit my girlfriend on Sundays. Throughout all of this I still get my work done. Many times I see my best friend rushing to finish his Spanish homework, or another classes homework, in our Spanish class.

I’ll let you judge on who you think deserves this but he is the top student in our class. He is praised for academics while I am simply ignored although I am at the same level as he is. We were both nominated by different teachers by for an academic leadership award and he won. I wouldn’t have even known about it if the teacher that nominated me hadn’t told me, my principal didn’t tell me nor my guidance counselor.

If you look away from school my awards include three back-to-back awards given to me by the leaders of my church camp for being most “Christ-like” and a JV leadership award given to my by my baseball coach last year.

Last night while I was thinking about what to write for this blog entry I decided that character is more important than grades. This is why grades have lost their importance to me.

To Those Who Hate Themselves:

Dear Friends,

Throughout my high school experienced I have noticed that depression and self-hatred strongly exists in the lives of teenagers, more than I ever would have thought. I have two friends that have attempted to commit suicide, two that have cut themselves, three that have wished they were dead, and probably others that I don’t even know about. When I see these people I never would have guessed that they hated themselves, or were upset; they are amazing people. So I may not have experienced this self-hatred myself, but I do know the effects it has on people, and that it happens.

I would like to start off by asking you to do something for me, and also yourself. I know talking about it is the last thing that you want to do but I have found with my friends that it has helped them greatly. Find someone you care about, and that cares about you. There is bound to be someone even if you think that there isn’t. Whether it be your parents, a close friend, or even a teacher, there is someone. Find someone you can trust and ask to talk to them privately. Tell them about your problems, and what you think about yourself; if you give them a chance they just might surprise you with some type of helpful advice.

Next you need to know that whatever is bothering you matters. I know a commonly said statement to sadness is, “it could be worse.” Although that may be right, it shouldn’t be said. If a problem is enough to make you upset then it is important, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I hate hearing people make fun of others because their problems are, “dumb” or “irrational.” It just makes matters worse.

Finally, and mostly, I want you to know that you aren’t alone. As I said in the intro, depression and self-hatred is occurs more often than you would think in our world. There are others out there that feel the same way you do. That you’re not good enough, that you’re too big, that you’re too weird, boring, ugly. That no one will ever love you so why should you love yourself. Well let me tell you that, that is a lie. We have a God who loves all of us. Who created us all the way he wanted, so to Him we are perfect. I know not everyone who reads this believes the same way I do so it’s not just God who loves us. Our parents, our friends, even our teachers. Even someone just walking down the same aisle of Walmart may look at you and wish they were you at the same time you wish you weren’t yourself. Even my baseball coach they other day pulled me aside and made sure that I knew that he loved me, and that he cared. Later that night he texted me to make sure that I knew he meant it. On the day of Prom he told us to be safe, and that if we did get in trouble to text him so he could drop everything and come get us to make sure we were alright. I cried after both of these examples. So even if you don’t know it someone loves and cares about you, someone wants to be you.

Know that you’re beautiful in you’re own way. I’ve never gotten much attention from anyone, because I’m different than everyone else, and I’m not that “good looking” by societies standards. Even though no one else thinks so, my girlfriend looks at me like I am a treasure. She looks at me like I am the greatest person in the world, and the most attractive guy she’s ever seen.I never thought anyone would ever look at me that way. There’s something beautiful about everyone. A quote that sticks with me ever since I heard the leg-less and arm-less man say it, he said, “If the world says your’e not good enough, get a second opinion.”

I ask you to put away the sharp edges you harm yourself with, throw away the pills, and say no to the alcohol. Push those self-harming and hatred thoughts from your mind because you deserve so much more than that. Let the teardrops on my keyboard prove to you that I care, that someone out there that cares about YOU.

Sincerely,

A stranger who cares.